The Toaster
by Retronym
Summary: The newcomer Lucina comes across a strange machine in the kitchen on her first morning and tries to discover what it is for. Unfortunately, she seems to end up asking all the wrong people.


**A brief little story about a warrior and a toaster.**

Lucina gazed around the kitchen. She was the first one up and in the kitchen for breakfast, so the room was entirely deserted. It was her fist morning in the Super Smash Bros. manor, and she was feeling distinctly awkward. She had gotten a few brief introductions the previous night, and while some of the fighters seemed friendly, others were not very welcoming. She had heard the word "clone" muttered a lot throughout the night, and while she didn't exactly know the full extent of the word's meaning, she understood that it was directed at her and that it was not a good thing.

As she looked around the warmly lit room, a strange object on a nearby counter caught her eye. She approached it with a frown. It was highly unusual thing, made of shiny plastic and metal and about the size of a duck. There were two slats in the top with some funky-looking metal grates inside, and on the exterior there was a handle thing with a knob encircled by numbers. A cord attached it to the wall.

Lucina had never seen such a thing in her life. What could it possibly be for? While she contemplated its possible uses, someone said. "Hi."

Lucina jumped so bad she nearly knocked over the machine. A boy with silvery-blond hair stood in the doorway, looking slightly amused.

"God, Shulk, did you have to sneak in here like that?" Lucina said, not actually very angry. The boy Shulk had travelled part of the way to this tournament with her, and she had grown to quite like him. She was relieved that he had found her in there staring at a piece of plastic rather than some stranger. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," he replied. "So what's that you're looking at?"

"I'm not really sure," admitted Lucina, picking up the machine. "I was trying to figure it out."

"Huh," said Shulk, coming over to investigate. "Well, I'd guess that something goes in these thingies on top…" He poked a finger into one of the slats. "It's about the right size for a _hand_ to go in…"

"But it's in the kitchen," speculated Lucina, "So it should have something to do with food, should it not?"

"Well what if I wanted to eat my hand?"

"Ha ha. Anyway, what is the knob for?"

"I…" Shulk stopped speaking. His eyes became distant, and he just stood there with his mouth hanging slightly open. It was his "getting-a-magical-vision-of-the-future" face. Lucina sighed. Not again.

Just then, another person entered the kitchen in a rather enthusiastic manner. Lucina vaguely remembered seeing him last night, but it still was a shock to see a person with two feathery wings protruding from their back. Well, it wasn't the strangest thing Lucina had seen so far in this building. The boy hopped energetically into the room and spotted the blue-haired warrior.

"Oh, hi!" he said, waving. "Good morning- oh! Wait! Don't tell me!" He concentrated for a moment, gazing at Lucina, then perked back up. "Lucina!" Lucina nodded, and the angel made a triumphant gesture at successfully remembering the newcomer's name. _He's a nutty one._ In a strange way, he was kind of similar to Shulk. Just…bouncier.

"So hi!" continued the boy. "I'm Pit! And…uh, is he okay?" He had noticed the fact that Shulk had just been standing there with a vacant expression for the last couple minutes.

"Oh, yeah, he's fine," said Lucina. "He's just having a futuristic vision right now. He'll be done soon."

Pit paused for a moment to digest that statement, then said, "That's cool. Why are you holding that?"

"Oh," said Lucina, heat rising to her face as she remembered that she was still holding the strange machine. "I, uh, was trying to figure out how it worked." She hoped the angel wouldn't think she was a total idiot for not knowing how to work a seemingly everyday object.

Instead, Pit came over to her. "Oh! I remember this lesson. It's a toaster. Someone had to tell me how to do this when I was here at first!" He frowned. "Come to think of it, I haven't used the toaster in a really long time…well, I'll try my best." He picked it up out of Lucina's hands. "Okay, so you use a toaster to make bread all crispy and weird. Uh…I forget if you put the bread in first, or pull the lever first…I think it's the lever." He grabbed the little handle and pulled it outward, making the plastic thing pop off.

"Oops!" he said. "Wrong way!" He stuck it back on sideways. "That didn't just happen."

Lucina wasn't sure if this was awkward or gut-bustingly hilarious. "Uh, maybe try the knob first."

"Good idea," said Pit, and he squinted at the knob. "Okay, these numbers are way too small…"

As they conversed, a small pink puffball had entered the kitchen. He watched them inspect the toaster with a kindly, curious look on his face. Pit soon noticed him.

"Kirby!" he addressed the pink puff. "Could you read this?" He presented the toaster to Kirby (thereby rending the cord from the wall), and the puffball nodded. Then, much to Lucina's surprise, he opened his mouth wide and sucked the toaster in like a black hole.

"No!" yelped Pit. "I said read it, not eat it!"

Kirby spat it back out. "Oops, sorry." Pit got a paper towel and wiped the thing clean of puff-spit. "Well, let's just get down to it. Do you remember how to work the toaster?"

"Nope!" said Kirby happily. "Never used it! I can't reach the counter!" He then waddled off to the cabinet to obtain some food. More people were beginning to enter the kitchen now. Some most rudely stared at Lucina, and she heard "clone" being muttered once again. Lucina felt herself blushing awkwardly again.

"Ignore them," advised Pit. "They're so hard-headed sometimes, you can't please them! Honestly, I swear you have to, like, get eaten by a god to get any respect around here."

Lucina snorted. "That's oddly specific."

"Yeah, maybe I'll tell you later. That's a story for another time." Lucina gave the angel a surprised look. He simply turned to another person entering. "Lucario, how do you work the toaster?"

The strange jackal-like biped replied, "Well, for starters, you plug it back into the wall…"

"Oh, yeah, oops," said Pit, sticking the cord into the socket while Lucario chuckled. "And now what?"

"Well, you have to- oops! Gotta go!" the Pokémon dashed away. He was shortly followed by a gigantic, lumbering turtle muttering something about how he was going to rend the Pokémon's limbs from his body for that prank he'd pulled. Unfortunately for the turtle, he was then knocked out cold by a baseball bat expertly thrown from the other side of the room. A small, black-haired boy in a striped shirt came and retrieved the bat with a grin on his face.

"Nice throw, Ness," said Pit to the boy. Ness gave a small bow. "Why thank you. We can't have any limb-rending! Bowser needs to be able to take a joke."

Lucina tried not to stare. She'd heard the boy's name before, but hadn't met him yet. This was the powerful long-time veteran she'd heard about?

My, how deceiving looks could be.

"So," continued Pit, "Do you remember how you had to teach me the way a toaster works?"

"Oh, yeah, that!" said Ness cheerfully.

"Well, explain it again."

"Oh! OH! I got this!" Ness, apparently very happy to share his knowledge of toaster-using, leapt forward and snagged the toaster. The machine then sparked wildly, gave a shudder, and spontaneously combusted. Lucina leapt back and collided with Shulk, who had just come out of his vision-seeing. He looked very confused at the scene before them. "What…?"

Ness just held the burning toaster as it crumbled, apparently not affected by the flame. "Oops," he said dejectedly. "Got too excited…"

Everyone in the kitchen just kind of looked at the ruin of the toaster in Ness's hand.

"Well," said Pit cheerfully. "Who wants cereal?"


End file.
